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Fullscale Turbine VS Radials humor

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Old 07-19-2002, 12:13 PM
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VoughtF4U
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Default Fullscale Turbine VS Radials humor

I found this posted on another forum and found it to be funny, thought I would share it:


Posted ByEarthquake McGoon on July 16, 2002 at 07:45:54:

Death to turbines!

We gotta get rid of these turbines, they are ruining aviation.

We need to go back to big round engines.

[Ed. note: Turbines are as round as you can get. What the hell are you talking about?]

[Author's note: Go away! They know what I mean.]

Anybody can start a turbine, you just need to move a switch from "OFF" to "START", and then remember to move it back to "ON" after a while. My PC is harder to start.

Cranking a round engine requires skill, finesse and style. On some planes, the pilots aren't even allowed to do it.

Turbines start by whining for a while, then give a small lady-like poot and start whining louder.

Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG, more rattles, another BANG, a big macho fart or two, more clicks, a lot of smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar. We like that. It's a guy thing.

When you start a round engine, your mind is engaged and you can concentrate on the flight ahead. Starting a turbine is like flicking on a ceiling fan: Useful, but hardly exciting.

Turbines don't break often enough, leading to aircrew boredom, complacency and inattention. A round engine at speed looks and sounds like it's going to blow at any minute. This helps concentrate the mind.

Turbines don't have enough control levers to keep a pilot's attention. There's nothing to fiddle with during long flights.

Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp full of Coleman lanterns. Round engined planes smell like God intended flying machines to smell.

I think I hear the nurse coming down the hall. I gotta go.
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Old 07-19-2002, 12:36 PM
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Default Another one

A 727 was asked to hold short from the active runway to allow an old DC-3 on final to land. The 727 captain acknowledged the tower's request to hold short for the DC-3 and then continued to ask the DC-3 pilot what those funny spinning things were on the front of the engine nacelles. The DC-3 captain was quick to reply "Son, those are propellers, because we prefer to screw our way though the air over this great land of ours, not suck and blow..." The radio fequency was quiet for some time.
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Old 07-19-2002, 04:33 PM
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Default Fullscale Turbine VS Radials humor

just remember...

you dont start a radial engine.
You wake it up.
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Old 07-19-2002, 06:04 PM
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Default Fullscale Turbine VS Radials humor

Try "waking up " a R-4360 after it cold soaked overnight at -38 degrees .

Oh those were the days!!!!!!!!!

I miss them.
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Old 07-19-2002, 07:14 PM
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Default Fullscale Turbine VS Radials humor

Originally posted by Unstable
just remember...

you dont start a radial engine.
You wake it up.
I would have to disagree on that. Round engines don't start, they come alive .
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Old 07-19-2002, 07:42 PM
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Default Fullscale Turbine VS Radials humor

Yeah but when you have the need for speed that round engine is a boat anchor in the sky! Nothing beats the sound of a turbine engine spooling up, it's the sound of freedom.
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Old 07-25-2002, 06:34 AM
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Default Turbine vs. Radial.........

Originally posted by DavidR
Yeah but when you have the need for speed that round engine is a boat anchor in the sky! Nothing beats the sound of a turbine engine spooling up, it's the sound of freedom.

David R. is right-but to tell you the truth-I like radials too-oops-I should not have said that-if this gets back to the jets list-I'm dead.............
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Old 07-25-2002, 01:34 PM
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Default Fullscale Turbine VS Radials humor

I have to go with round engines myself. Nothing like them! They shake you around so bad that you vibrate for hours after landing. A real good one will dump about a gallon of oil out the exhaust at start up and spary it in a nice pattern along the side of the plane.
The sound, smell, and feel of a radial engine can never be beaten by on of them home heating oil engines. I have a furnace in my basement, why put one in a plane?
Radials forever!!!!
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Old 07-25-2002, 07:26 PM
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Default Fullscale Turbine VS Radials humor

Yep there is nothing like flying for 12 hours straight listning to a pair of 985's. You are so damn tired, but you can't go to sleep because all you can hear are 985's.
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Old 07-26-2002, 06:51 AM
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Default Radial engines...........

Also nothing like changing cylinders#5 and #6 on a Wright 1820-you HAVE to love that oil sump right in the way........



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Old 07-26-2002, 05:58 PM
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Default Fullscale Turbine VS Radials humor

Yea, and the feeling of the warm oil running in your arm pits when you pull the cylinder off.

Gee! I'd like to do it one more time.
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Old 07-27-2002, 01:43 PM
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Default sound of noise

Hi modelers,

here are some new laws I propose.

1. no car motor with more or less than 8 cylinders may emit more than 60 db at 5 feet regardless of conditions. no diesel may smoke.
2. 8 cylinder low compression cars are allowed "purring" sound mufflers only.
3. High compression v-8 cars are required to have sound enhancing mufflers that emphisize the deep throbbing sounds. discount on gas is encouraged.
4. supercharged v-8 's must not have mufflers. weed burner style exhaust is encouraged. exposed blowers are encouraged. right of way is to be given at all times. free high octane gas at any gas station.

aircraft

5. all flat aircraft engines must be muffled. multi engines are exempt.
6. multi engine aircraft receive discount on high octane gas.
7. single row radial engine aircraft may park in the handicap area at the airport. av gas is free. mufflers not allowed.
8. double row radial engine aircraft may fly at any altitude desired. Low passes over the town at full throttle are encouraged, especially at 10 am 12 noon and 3 pm (breaks and lunch) so we can rush to the windows and see them. gov't provides free maintainance, gas and oil.
9. multi radial engine aircraft are required to provide free tours and free rides to all male kids 6-?? and females desiring sane husbands.
10. any radial engine warbird is required to provide free test flights any time of day or night to males over 40.
11. vets of any war may request living quarters and accomodations in any warbird or its hanger. The only charge will be an occasional service story if the vet desires. all people within ear shot are required to listen to these stories at least 10 times.

violaters:
1. punk rockers with loud boom boxes.
will attend "sound awarness and appreciation class". 4 top fuel fuel funnycars will be arranged in a circle around the violator. no ear muffs or gas masks will be used. the 4 cars will be lit and the violator will check each exhaust pipe with his nose and both ears to learn the correct sound and smell of real noise.
2. muffler viloators ie big chrome cans on the end of 'ricer' exhaust pipes and other non 8 cylinder violators. these turkies will be seated at the 4000 foot mark on the runway as fully loaded ww2 bombers and other warbirds take off. Pairs of Bearcats, F2G, and Tigercats are encouraged to make low passes over them in an effort to rehabilitate these offenders.

3. second violations of the above. These will be treated to low level terain following trip through the canyons in a military jet. If they throw up. scream in terror, or pass out they will be ejected.

4. third round losers eliminated from the gene pool.

Now I think these are pretty reasonable noise regulations that will be acceptable to all. please feel free to pass them on to your representatives.

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Old 07-30-2002, 02:00 PM
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Default Pretty funny stuff.

I do love the sound of a huge radial, but if you have ever heard an F-111 passing overhead without afterburner, the deep roar of the turbines is awesome. I love the way it turns the teeth into a fine powder and turns the brain to mush. The radials just rattle the teeth out of the head without the powdering effect.
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