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Old 04-24-2007, 01:35 PM
  #1  
fastguy
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Default court

From a little book called "Disorder in the Court."
They're things people actually said in court, word for word.
(or so the site says)



Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July fifteen.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

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Q: And where was the location of the accident?

A: Approximately milepost 499.

Q: And where is milepost 499?

A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

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Q: Sir, what is your IQ?

A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

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Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?

A: After the accident?

Q: Before the accident.

A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

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Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?

A: Yes.

Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?

A: Yes, sir.

Q: What did she say?

A: What disco am I at?

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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
it until the next morning?

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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

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Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

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Q: Did he kill you?

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Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

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Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

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Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

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Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

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Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

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Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?

A: Yes.

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

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Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?

A: I went to Europe, Sir.

Q: And you took your new wife?

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Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

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Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

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Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

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Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.

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Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: You were not shot in the fracas?

A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
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Old 04-25-2007, 01:23 AM
  #2  
air-madness
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Default RE: court

I am a law student that does some free (basically for free) law research, court room work, indigent counsel work, etc, etc. I've checked some of that out before. You should here some of the things I've heard people say in court! The last portion about the coroner/doctor is halarious! Did you know: Many states do not require a coroner to have medical license, a MD degree, or any formal or prior knowledge of medicine or the sorts?
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Old 04-25-2007, 08:37 PM
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Default RE: court

That is some funny stuff write there I don,t care who you are. get er done.
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Old 04-26-2007, 11:57 PM
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Ron Olson
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Default RE: court

When you go to court, you have three options of pleading, guilty, not guilty or mute. For those that don't know what standing mute is, you are not pleading the other two ways so you're not saying that you did or didn't do what you are accused of.
I was in court one day (I can't remember what for) but a person came up before the Judge and when asked how he pled, he said nothing. Again, the Judge asked him how he pled, no reply again. This genuis thought that by pleading mute that he didn't have to answer! I see why they now call it No Contest.
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Old 04-27-2007, 12:28 AM
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Default RE: court

That's right, nolo contendere (no contest) is best said to be the jack*ss syndrome. Nolo contendre actually has no real place in criminal law, period; the end results are the same no matter how one pleads. Standing mute is mostly used when a witness (at times the defendant on the stand) "pleads the 5th" (pleading the 5th refers to the right from self incrimination as stated in the 5th Amendment of the United States Constitution), but, one has to state to the examining counsel (and for the record) that he/she is pleading the 5th when the question is raised; 'mute' response. Just imagine what this does to a jury (they fill in the blanks, and this you do not want if you are the defendant); jurors feed on this stuff (it eases the conscience when there is the potential of possibly destroying a perfectly good human being). A jury system is a faux science. What ever made the framers think that a 'peer group' was better at pure scientific deduction than the process itself is beyond me. What ever happen to clear and convincing evidence, beyond a reasonable doubt, and a fair advisary system? It truly never was. A system that works 0% of the time is genius, but a system that works 70% of the time is flawed and broken.
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