Nick R.

TOWER TO OLD PROP PLANE: --DC3 you'r clear for take off give it your best contact departure at the outer marker

DC3:--roger balls to the wall contact departure at the outer marker

Tower to 747:--American 123 clear for take off contact departure at outer marker

747 (womans voice) roger we got no balls but we'r wide open contact departure at the outer marker

PAUSE

MALE VOICE:--is American hiring

swervo

tower to woman pilot - " can you accept an intersection departure" ? voice from no-where - " nah , she needs the full length" .

N410DC

I had this exchange with my flight instructor during my training. We are flying into Huntsville, AL at night.

TOWER: Four-six-whisky, enter left downwind 18 Left

ME: Tower, four-six-whisky, entering downwind, 18 left. Request medium intensity runway lights.

{a few minutes pass, still no runway lights}

TOWER: Four-six-whisky, enter left base 18-left.

ME: four-six-whisky, left base, 18-left. Request medium intensity runway lights.

{a few minutes pass, still no runway lights}

TOWER: Four-six-whisky, turn left to final 18 Left, cleared to land.

ME: Four-six whisky is final 18-left, cleared to land.

ME (to instructor, not on the radio): how the hell do you get those guys to turn on the damn lights?!

INSTRUCTOR TO TOWER, IN HIS SOUTHERN DRAWL: "Tower, could you flip on dem lights fer us?"

{The airport immediately lights up like a Christmas Tree}

I guess in the South, you simply have to speak the language. :-)

Nick R.

Another good one... a Cherokee 150 was told by the tower to hold short for a DC8 to land, The DC8 landed rolled out made a 180 and taxied past the Cherokee, the DC8 pilot being a comedian said "what a cute little airplane, did you make it all by yourself? The Cherokee pilot quickly responded "I made it out of DC8 parts, another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one"