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Totally Useless Facts

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Old 02-09-2010, 11:00 PM
  #126
Crash Campbell
 
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Default RE: Totally Useless Facts

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

6. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)

7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

11. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. Embrace your differences. Love each other.

12. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

13. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

14. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

15. Opportunities always look bigger after they have passed.

16. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

17. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

18. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

19. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

20. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

21. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

22. It isn’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

23. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'.

24. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

25. You should not confuse your career with your life.

26. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

27. Never lick a steak knife.

28. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

29. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

30. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

31. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

32. Your friends love you anyway.

33. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

34. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?



Cheers,

Colin
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Old 02-09-2010, 11:46 PM
  #127
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Default RE: Totally Useless Facts

My driving is fine, it's the other idiot drivers I worry about.
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Old 02-10-2010, 12:09 AM
  #128
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Default RE: Totally Useless Facts

Hey Chunky,
Driving...???? you should be flying.............
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Old 02-10-2010, 12:26 AM
  #129
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Open attachment, close your left eye (if you're right handed), stare with your right eye for 30 seconds at the dot on the attachment, then open your left eye...... what do you see......?
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Old 02-10-2010, 10:16 AM
  #130
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I have to drive back and forth to the field. I tried flying to it once, but I just could't balance all my my field gear on the wings. Besides the plane didn't want to lift off the the ground with me on top.
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Old 02-10-2010, 10:20 AM
  #131
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Hahaha, hey Plunky, then it's time for a bigger plane.......
Cheers
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Old 02-10-2010, 11:33 AM
  #132
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Default RE: Totally Useless Facts

If you create something that is idiot proof, someone else will become a better idiot.
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Old 02-10-2010, 02:22 PM
  #133
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Default RE: Totally Useless Facts

Tried that too, but got caught up in the power lines on takeoff.
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Old 02-15-2010, 07:52 PM
  #134
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Quote:
ORIGINAL: skylark-flier

Back in the old ''horse & carriage'' days, the average speed of a 1-horse-drawn cab in NY City was 7 MPH. In 2007, the average speed of a 300hp taxicab in NY City is 7 MPH.

That's progress?

Dave
No horse apples from a couple thousand horses every day has got to be worth something.
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Old 07-14-2010, 10:05 AM
  #135
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Default RE: Totally Useless Facts

The bibles used by the Church of England and Roman Catholics contain some extra books called the Apocrypha. One of these books, Wisdom of Sirach or Eccliasticus, mentions cats in a very complimentary fashion.

Tom
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Old 07-15-2010, 11:20 AM
  #136
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Default RE: Totally Useless Facts

tackyon particles are theoretical. I am unaware of any evidence pointing to their actual existence.
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Old 07-21-2010, 04:13 PM
  #137
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Default RE: Totally Useless Facts

here is a totally useless fact- seagulls cant fart, thats why they explode when you feed them certain food stuffs
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Old 07-23-2010, 10:58 PM
  #138
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Default RE: Totally Useless Facts

Diamonds dont show up on X-rays, but gummy bears do.
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Old 09-04-2010, 08:43 PM
  #139
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Default RE: Totally Useless Facts

Totally Useeless Fact: "Our Economy is Improving"
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Old 09-04-2010, 09:51 PM
  #140
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Default RE: Totally Useless Facts

In conventional airplanes the pilots seat is on the left, co-pilots on the right.
This is reversed in helicopters.
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Old 09-05-2010, 02:47 PM
  #141
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Default RE: Totally Useless Facts

And in automobiles, the driver is often in the back seat!

Rick
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Old 10-05-2010, 12:19 PM
  #142
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Default RE: Totally Useless Facts

In the cosmic calendar, the beginning of the universe is the first second on January 1.

All of recorded history is contained in the last 10 seconds of December 31.
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Old 11-09-2010, 05:43 PM
  #143
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Default RE: Totally Useless Facts

another unimportant fact. if my head wasnt fashioned on i would loose it.
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Old 11-10-2010, 07:31 AM
  #144
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I guess his head isn't "fastened" on.
Quote:
ORIGINAL: moe7404

another unimportant fact. if my head wasnt fashioned on i would loose it.
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Old 11-10-2010, 12:19 PM
  #145
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Default RE: Totally Useless Facts

If Frogs didn't jump, they wouldn't bump thier butts every time they moved.
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Old 11-11-2010, 02:10 AM
  #146
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Default RE: Totally Useless Facts

And they can't burp either....hence it's not a good idea to feed birds Alkaseltzer....[:@][:-]

Quote:
ORIGINAL: wolfie1

here is a totally useless fact- seagulls cant fart, thats why they explode when you feed them certain food stuffs
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Old 11-12-2010, 02:47 PM
  #147
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ok Jim_Purcha you are not to make fun of the old mans spelling. every one has something they dont do well.
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Old 11-14-2010, 03:08 PM
  #148
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The Lowry Park Zoo in Tampa told me it was translucent as well as hollow to trap heat.
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Old 11-16-2010, 03:24 AM
  #149
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Quote:
ORIGINAL: Jim_Purcha

I guess his head isn't ''fastened'' on.
Quote:
ORIGINAL: moe7404

another unimportant fact. if my head wasnt fashioned on i would loose it.

that and he doesn't use a web browser with spell check.
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Old 12-15-2011, 07:39 PM
  #150
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Have read this loooooong article, thanks.
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