crossman

You can pick your friends, but your relatives you're stuck with.

victorzamora

You can pick your friends AND you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose.

rocketman-RCU

My Feedback: (73)

My Only Blind Date: "She had 2 pony tails- One under each arm!"

rocketman-RCU

My Feedback: (73)

I have to go to the bathroom so bad - My teeth are singing "Anchor's Away"

dalolyn

My Feedback: (7)

He is happier then a dog eating cat poop.

More nervous then a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Dumber then a mud fence

fly boy2

1. Clear as mud.

2. ( My mom uses this one a lot) Do as I say; not as I do.

3. Up the creek without a paddle.

4.( l like this one for some reason) I'd bet my bottom dollar.

5. ( Grandma used this one ) I'll cloud up and rain all over ya.

6. Can't judge a book by its cover. ( I bet you can; you see a pic of a playboy on the cover, its not a childrens book)

7. Have you ever felt like you could out run a fosset ( I can't spell)

The Gopher

My Feedback: (1)

LIKE A TURD IN A PUNCHBOWL

bronx boy

Being from the bronx we sound a little different then you mid west guys we mix our words .Try this one WHADAYOUOUTOFYOURFREAKINGMIND.Just a little side not my wife went into a local store she asked the clerk where are the ant traps he said for mice .Stay where you are you would not want to live here.

MerlinV

Grinning like a fox eating ***** out of a wire brush.

Scarce as rocking horse poop.

In responce to the query, what's new?
Rocking horse sh1t is good for the garden, golly wogs wee makes good slodering flux and plummers don't pick plums!

Cheers,

Hugh

rgm762

My Feedback: (4)

for when somebody does something really stupid and annoying:
thats about as smart as screen doors on a submarine
not the brightest bulb on the x-mas tree, your the one that makes the others go out
don't ever get in a battle of wits with a box of rocks, you'll lose
your mom have any kids that lived?

knighttwister

My Feedback: (59)

yule gibbons(tree hugger) "ever eat a pine tree?"
i won't buy a dodge. my friend did, and it had touble starting in the winter. he once said that it would'nt start if you ate a popcicle in front of it.
where does a genius get his advice from?
slower than mollasses
does a tree falling in the woods make a sound if there is no one around to hear it?
she runs so fast you can smell hair burning
i chased her till she cought me
his head is so empty it whistles on a windy day
if you're waiting on me, you're backing up!
don't give up till you quit
tomorrow never comes

mcmcintyre

When we wanted something: It doesn't hurt to want!!

When we did something dumb: That's just dumber than dirt.

hardfourteen

My Feedback: (1)

how about:
Dumb as a fence post - and a line post at that - not even a corner post.

AdamsBro

My Feedback: (14)

A couple I use often -

if someone asks me a question i will start by saying -
"i'm dumb as a box of hammers and i've screwed up everything i've ever done, but i've learned alot along the way"
then i will give my answer.

"you can't push a chain"
"i'll pay you back when my brother the hunch-back straightens out"

and when i'm leaving somewhere instead of saying "see you tommorrow" or "see you soon" i am likely to say "see you sometime next year"

and if someone drops something of some-what value, i'll usually say "we didn't need that anyway"
and of course, the infamous "thats what she said" works for just about anything.

TheAnalogKid

He is so old he was around when JC was playing quaterback for the Jews.

rgm762

My Feedback: (4)

if at first you don't suceed, quit
if all else fails, call somebody who knows what their doing
get a bigger hammer

when somebody say's something that doesn't make sense, I'll reply with, your mother did what with a race horse?

jerrymac

My Feedback: (2)

"When I was your age I used to WALK 10 miles to school ; Uphill BOTH Ways."
" Quit playing with that stick, you'll put someones eye out."
"I'll hit you so hard by the time you wake up your clothes will be outta style"

( To describe a person you think is dumb)
" The lights are on, but nobody is home"
" I think the best part of him ran down his Momma's leg."

monsterbombs

went down like a left parachute.
better off trying to sell asbestos toys. with lead paint on.
im so hungry i could eat a horse and chase the jockey.

i work with older guys and all day they crack me up,
funny clever remarks. if im sitting around ile get- "rather than sit
there like a stale bottle of piss,give us a hand"
24/7 lol. makes it hard to get work done.

outdoorhunting

I'm so hungry, I could eat the North end of a Southbound bear !!

proptop

My Feedback: (8)

After someone slips or trips...or maybe drops something:
How's charm school Grace? or have a nice trip? or Smooth move Exlax...

Someone else already wrote "Few bricks shy of a load"

how about: That boy's got a short in his wiring...

or...he ain't hooked up right!

His elevator don't go all the way to the top floor...

Few pancakes shy of a full stack...

tommygun32

Regarding this style of wearing pants half way down the *****...."Son...crack kills...specially if you're dating my daughter dressed like that" (gotta read into that one). Speaking of cracks...."He's such a bag of raging hormones, the crack of dawn ain't safe around that boy!"

grimmy55

Have you heard the one about the guy who was going to commit suicide he rings life line for help ,he gets put through to a call centre in Pakistan , the operater says hey buddy can you fly aplane

grimmy55

have you heard the one about the look alike contest in China ,,,, they all won

grimmy55

I,ve learned alot about life for instance you cant make someone love you but you can stalk them and hope they give in

T.L.A.R. eng

Can't believe no one mentioned "fits like a saddle on a cow!"