RCU Forums - Rules

PILOT RULES

The only three things a wingman should ever say are:
1. Two's up.
2. Lead, you're on fire.
3. I'll take the fat chick.

And in a multi-place aircraft, there are only three things the copilot
should ever say:
1. Nice landing, Sir.
2. I'll buy the first round.
3. I'll take the fat chick.

As a new copilot on a bomber I was told to say these three things and to
otherwise keep my mouth shut and not touch anything:
1. Clear on the right.
2. Outer (marker) on the double (indicator)
3. I'll eat the chicken. (Crew meals consisted of one steak and one
chicken to avoid possible food poisoning of the cockpit crew).

About Pilots:

1. As an aviator in flight you can do anything you want... As long as
it's right... And we'll let you know if it's right after you get down.

2. You can't fly forever without getting killed.

3. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and one of them
will. a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is
your last flight in an airplane.. b. One day you will walk out to the
airplane not knowing that it is your last flight in an airplane..

4. Any flight over water in a single engine airplane will absolutely
guarantee abnormal engine noises and vibrations.

5. There are Rules and there are Laws. The rules are made by men who
think that they know better how to fly your airplane than you. The Laws
(of Physics) were made by God. You can, and sometimes should, suspend
the Rules but you can never suspend the Laws.

6. More about Rules: a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't
have a better idea and the talent to execute it. b. If you deviate from
a rule, it must be a flawless performance. (e.g., If you fly under a
bridge, don't hit the bridge.)

7. The pilot is the highest form of life on earth.

8. The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.

9. About check rides: a. The only real objective of a check ride is to
complete it and get the ******* out of your airplane. b. It has never
occurred to any flight examiner that the examinee couldn't care less
what the examiner's opinion of his flying ability really is.

10. The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation profession.

11 The job of the Wing Commander is to worry incessantly that his career
depends solely on the abilities of his aviators to fly their airplanes
without mishap and that their only minuscule contribution to the effort
is to bet their lives on it.

12. Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of the
pilot is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite
of the intensity of their feelings that the pilot's day is over I know
of no such expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted
aircraft.

13. It is absolutely imperative that the pilot be unpredictable.
Rebelliousness is very predictable. In the end, conforming almost all
the time is the best way to be unpredictable.

14. He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot;
he that demands one iota more is a fool.

15. If you're gonna fly low, do not fly slow! ASW pilots know this only
too well. (Amen)

16. It is solely the pilot's responsibility to never let any other thing
touch his aircraft.

17. If you can learn how to fly as a 2nd Lt and not forget how to fly by
the time you're a Maj. you will have lived a happy life.

18. About night flying: a. Remember that the airplane doesn't know that
it's dark. b. On a clear, moonless night, never fly between the tanker's
lights. c. There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at
night. d. If you're going to night fly, it might as well be in the
weather so you can double count your exposure to both hazards. e. Night
formation is really an endless series of near misses in equilibrium with
each other. f. You would have to pay a lot of money at a lot of
amusement parks and perhaps add a few drugs, to get the same blend of
psychedelic sensations as a single engine night weather flight.

19. One of the most important skills that a pilot must develop is the
skill to ignore those things that were designed by non-pilots to get the
pilot's attention.

20. At the end of the day, the controllers, ops supervisors, maintenance
guys, weather guessers, and birds; they're all trying to kill you and
your job is to not let them!

21. The concept of "controlling" airspace with radar is just a form of
FAA sarcasm directed at pilots to see if they're gullible enough to
swallow it. Or to put it another way, when's the last time the FAA ever
shot anyone down?

22. Remember that the radio is only an electronic suggestion box for the
pilot. Sometimes the only way to clear up a problem is to turn it off.

23. It is a tacit, yet profound admission of the preeminence of flying
in the hierarchy of the human spirit, that those who seek to control
aviators via threats always threaten to take one's wings and not one's
life.

24. Remember when flying low and inverted that the rudder still works
the same old way but hopefully your IP never taught you "pull stick
back, plane go up".

25. Mastering the prohibited maneuvers in the Natops Manual is one of
the best forms of aviation life insurance you can get.

26. A tactic done twice is a procedure. (Refer to unpredictability
discussion above)

27. The aircraft G-limits are only there in case there is another flight
by that particular airplane. If subsequent flights do not appear likely,
there are no G-limits.

28. One of the beautiful things about a single piloted aircraft is the
quality of the social experience.

29. If a mother has the slightest suspicion that her infant might grow
up to be a pilot, she had better teach him to put things back where he
got them

30. The ultimate responsibility of the pilot is to fulfill the dreams of
the countless millions of earthbound ancestors who could only stare
skyward ...and wish.