Totally irrelevant
08-06-2002, 05:38 PM
#1
Totally irrelevant
A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old
farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad
news, the donkey died."
Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said,
"OK then, just unload the donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off."
Farmer, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with
that dead donkey?"
Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and
made a profit of $898.00."
Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny, " Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.
farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad
news, the donkey died."
Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said,
"OK then, just unload the donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off."
Farmer, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with
that dead donkey?"
Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and
made a profit of $898.00."
Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny, " Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.
08-06-2002, 08:57 PM
#4
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Two Penguins Are Standing On An Ice Floe.
The first one says "You look like you're wearing a tuxedo."
The other one says "What makes you think I'm not wearing a tuxedo?"
The other one says "What makes you think I'm not wearing a tuxedo?"
08-06-2002, 09:00 PM
#5
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Two Atoms Are Walking Down The Street.
One atom bumps into the other one, knocking him to the ground.
"Are you alright?" says the first one.
"No - I lost an electron" says the other.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes - I'm positive."
"Are you alright?" says the first one.
"No - I lost an electron" says the other.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes - I'm positive."
08-07-2002, 01:55 PM
#7
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Related.
A neutron walks into a bar and says "Bartender! How much is a beer?"
The bartender thinks for a moment, then responds..."For you, no charge."
The bartender thinks for a moment, then responds..."For you, no charge."
08-07-2002, 03:25 PM
#10
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Totally irrelevant
Two muffins are baking in an oven...
the one says "man it's hot in here isn't it?"
the other exclaims "HOLY #*@^ A talking muffin!!!"
the one says "man it's hot in here isn't it?"
the other exclaims "HOLY #*@^ A talking muffin!!!"
08-07-2002, 03:39 PM
#11
Totally irrelevant
Ok, the Lone Ranger and Tonto are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and says, "Who owns this white horse out here?"
The Lone Ranger says "Me."
So the guy says, "It's very hot out here and he's really sweating. You better cool him off."
So the Lone Ranger tells Tonto to go outside and run in circles around the horse to create a breeze. Tonto goes outside to do as he is told.
A few minutes later, another guy sticks his head inside the place and says, "Who owns this white horse out here?"
The Lone Ranger says "Me."
And the guy says,
"You left your Injun running!"
A guy walks in and says, "Who owns this white horse out here?"
The Lone Ranger says "Me."
So the guy says, "It's very hot out here and he's really sweating. You better cool him off."
So the Lone Ranger tells Tonto to go outside and run in circles around the horse to create a breeze. Tonto goes outside to do as he is told.
A few minutes later, another guy sticks his head inside the place and says, "Who owns this white horse out here?"
The Lone Ranger says "Me."
And the guy says,
"You left your Injun running!"
08-08-2002, 11:21 AM
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Totally irrelevant
A blonde boards a plane and sits in first class. The flight attendant tells her she will have to move and the blonde refuses. She then says she is going to New York City and she is flying first class regardless of what her ticket says. The pilot then leans over and whispers something in her ear, and she promptly moves back to her assigned seat in coach. The flight attendant asked the pilot what he told her to get her to move and he said-"I told her first class was going to Chicago, not New York"
08-14-2002, 02:20 AM
#21
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Totally irrelevant
ok... after those two i gotta post this one.
An irishman, an englishman, and a scotsman walk into a bar.
each of them orders a Guinness and the bartender pours them each a pint.
as the Guinness is settling 3 flys come in through the open window and one lands on top of each of the Guinnesses (Guinnii?)
the Englishman pushes the beer away and asks the bartender for another.
the Scotsman plucks the fly out, shrugs, and drinks.
the Irish fellow grabs the fly by the wings and starts tapping it on the head yelling
"SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!"
An irishman, an englishman, and a scotsman walk into a bar.
each of them orders a Guinness and the bartender pours them each a pint.
as the Guinness is settling 3 flys come in through the open window and one lands on top of each of the Guinnesses (Guinnii?)
the Englishman pushes the beer away and asks the bartender for another.
the Scotsman plucks the fly out, shrugs, and drinks.
the Irish fellow grabs the fly by the wings and starts tapping it on the head yelling
"SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!"
08-21-2002, 07:58 PM
#22
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Fred the Painter
Fred had been painting for several years but never could make any money. He decided if he thinned the paint with water he could make money on the paint. One day he won the bid to paint the local church. So, as Fred had done many times before he thinned the paint. Fred was almost done painting the church when a giant storm with heavy rains and lightening came up and knocked Fred off the ladder and washed all the paint off the church. As Fred pulled himself up off the ground he thought to himself "I am ruined". Please God tell me what to do. All of a sudden a majestic voice from above rang out
"Repaint,Repaint and Thin no More"
"Repaint,Repaint and Thin no More"
