dog vs cat. diary entries. funny
04-30-2007, 08:20 AM
#1
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dog vs cat. diary entries. funny
Excerpts from dog and cats diary, FUNNY!!
>Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:
>
>
>
>8:00am Dog food! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>9:30am A car ride! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>9:40am Walk in the park! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>12:00pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>1:00pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>3:00pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>5:00pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>7:00pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>11:00pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:
>
>Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
>
>dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other
>
>inmates and myself are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
>
>Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
>
>nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The
>
>only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to
>
>disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
>
>
>
>Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
>
>I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
>
>demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
>
>condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The
>
>audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.
>
>I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
>
>However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
>
>confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
>
>means, and how to use it to my advantage.
>
>
>
>Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
>
>tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
>
>again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
>
>
>
>I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
>
>The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems
>
>to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!
>
>
>
>The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with
>
>the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The
>
>captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so
>
>he is safe.......for now....
>Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:
>
>
>
>8:00am Dog food! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>9:30am A car ride! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>9:40am Walk in the park! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>12:00pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>1:00pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>3:00pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>5:00pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>7:00pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>11:00pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
>
>
>
>Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:
>
>Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
>
>dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other
>
>inmates and myself are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
>
>Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
>
>nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The
>
>only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to
>
>disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
>
>
>
>Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
>
>I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
>
>demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
>
>condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The
>
>audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.
>
>I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
>
>However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
>
>confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
>
>means, and how to use it to my advantage.
>
>
>
>Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
>
>tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
>
>again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
>
>
>
>I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
>
>The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems
>
>to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!
>
>
>
>The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with
>
>the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The
>
>captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so
>
>he is safe.......for now....
05-01-2007, 02:34 AM
#3
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Join Date: Nov 2005
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NY
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RE: dog vs cat. diary entries. funny
LOLOL!!!! . . . "my favorite thing!" That's hilarious! the cat ones I found the most funny:
LOL!!!! That's the funniest take on a cat's life I have ever heard. I pinned that to the fridge for a laugh next time I get a snack
Original: nitro _ burner
[ul]
1[*] only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
2[*]Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!
3[*]Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my ormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
4[*]The bird has got to be an informant.... captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.......for now...
[/ul]
[ul]
1[*] only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
2[*]Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!
3[*]Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my ormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
4[*]The bird has got to be an informant.... captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.......for now...
[/ul]
