2005 Darwin Awards
02-01-2006, 06:35 PM
#1
Thread Starter
2005 Darwin Awards
Hard to believe that in this day and age, there are such idiots running around.... Some are not anymore!!
JUST IN....2005 DARWIN AWARDS!!
New Darwin Awards 2005 - In case you have been waiting breathlessly for
this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards this year are,
once again, truly classic. These awards are given each year to bestow
upon (the remains or estate of) that individual, who through
single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable
elements from the human gene pool. Just think...until these events,
these same people were walking the streets like normal people.
5th RUNNER-UP:
Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a lift tower
at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam
pad. 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth
Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's
department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski
run called Stump alley and removed some yellow foam protectors from lift
towers, said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department.
The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group
apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed
into a tower. It has since been investigated and determined the tower
he hit was the one with its pad removed.
4th RUNNER-UP: Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, who was apparently being
disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the
police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out
without paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store.
Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had
choked him to death.
3rd RUNNER-UP: Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag
standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when
it fell on him.
2nd RUNNER-UP: "Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia
party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who
used the ..22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a
blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that
blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid,
bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night,
said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a
battery and was trying to explode it. It wouldn't go off and this guy
said I'll show you how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit
down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne
said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive
facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical
Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that,"
Payne said.
1st RUNNER-UP: Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon
man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and
will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his
right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club,
Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men
Anonymous) in Grants Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can
off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said
that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel
would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly.
Neurosurgeon, Doctor Johnny Delashaw, at the University Hospital in
Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the
tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all
major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull
the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts
admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking that
afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No charges have
been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office said the
initiation stunt is under investigation.
Now, THIS YEAR'S WINNER:
(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the
great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert
at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having
had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over
the nine foot fence and sneak into the show.
They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for
Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins, to hop the
fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the late) Mr.
Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence.
Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree.
His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large
branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a
broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly
figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife
and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree.
Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves
scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts,
a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, upon
landing his pocket knife penetrated his thigh.
Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a
rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup
truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste, he put
the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his
friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with
its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from
massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under
it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a
knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet
in the air. Congratulations gentlemen. You win. And some more idiots
have been removed from the gene pool.
JUST IN....2005 DARWIN AWARDS!!
New Darwin Awards 2005 - In case you have been waiting breathlessly for
this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards this year are,
once again, truly classic. These awards are given each year to bestow
upon (the remains or estate of) that individual, who through
single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable
elements from the human gene pool. Just think...until these events,
these same people were walking the streets like normal people.
5th RUNNER-UP:
Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a lift tower
at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam
pad. 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth
Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's
department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski
run called Stump alley and removed some yellow foam protectors from lift
towers, said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department.
The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group
apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed
into a tower. It has since been investigated and determined the tower
he hit was the one with its pad removed.
4th RUNNER-UP: Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, who was apparently being
disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the
police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out
without paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store.
Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had
choked him to death.
3rd RUNNER-UP: Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag
standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when
it fell on him.
2nd RUNNER-UP: "Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia
party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who
used the ..22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a
blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that
blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid,
bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night,
said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a
battery and was trying to explode it. It wouldn't go off and this guy
said I'll show you how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit
down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne
said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive
facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical
Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that,"
Payne said.
1st RUNNER-UP: Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon
man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and
will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his
right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club,
Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men
Anonymous) in Grants Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can
off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said
that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel
would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly.
Neurosurgeon, Doctor Johnny Delashaw, at the University Hospital in
Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the
tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all
major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull
the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts
admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking that
afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No charges have
been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office said the
initiation stunt is under investigation.
Now, THIS YEAR'S WINNER:
(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the
great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert
at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having
had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over
the nine foot fence and sneak into the show.
They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for
Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins, to hop the
fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the late) Mr.
Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence.
Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree.
His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large
branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a
broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly
figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife
and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree.
Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves
scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts,
a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, upon
landing his pocket knife penetrated his thigh.
Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a
rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup
truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste, he put
the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his
friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with
its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from
massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under
it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a
knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet
in the air. Congratulations gentlemen. You win. And some more idiots
have been removed from the gene pool.
02-03-2006, 04:34 AM
#3
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RE: 2005 Darwin Awards
cheers Hoss,
After a lousy week at work and the prospect of one more shift to do,the Darwin awards helped make it a better day.You would think after all these years we wouldn't be so dumb,mind you in most of the cases it would appear that the equation add alcohol for instant a**hole still holds true no matter what.
Cheers again Jim.
After a lousy week at work and the prospect of one more shift to do,the Darwin awards helped make it a better day.You would think after all these years we wouldn't be so dumb,mind you in most of the cases it would appear that the equation add alcohol for instant a**hole still holds true no matter what.
Cheers again Jim.
