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Pilot gripes....

Old 08-09-2003, 07:13 AM
  #1  
Flyboy Dave
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Default Pilot gripes....

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a
gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics
problems encountered with the aircraft during
the flight that need repair or correction.

The mechanics read and correct the problem,
and then respond in writing on the lower half of
the form what remedial action was taken, and
the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the
next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and
engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are
some actual logged maintenance complaints
and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots
and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline
that has never had an accident.

-------------------------------------------------------
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
--------------------------------------------------------

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a
200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right,
and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on
something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Old 08-10-2003, 05:20 AM
  #2  
RBacio
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Default Pilot gripes....

Qantas flys with IFF? Remind me not to fly Qantas. You obviously have a military background.
Old 08-10-2003, 11:52 AM
  #3  
DBCherry
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Default Pilot gripes....

This same list has been around for many years, and has been posted here numerous times.

It's been attributed to different branches of the military and a number of different airlines. (At least I'd never heard "Qantas before.)
Dennis-
Old 08-10-2003, 05:00 PM
  #4  
nick.wright
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Default Pilot gripes....

Heck, didn't I post the same thing a couple of weeks ago?????
Old 08-11-2003, 12:37 AM
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Flyboy Dave
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Default Sorry, Dudes....

....I'd never seen it before....

....I got it in an E-mail, and posted it....

....I thought it was a riot....


....Excuse me.....

Flyboy Dave.
Old 08-11-2003, 09:55 AM
  #6  
nick.wright
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Default Pilot gripes....

Dave,

No worries!!!!! I got the email too, just wasn't lucky enough to have any replies to my post here!!!!!!!!!!

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