<div>Yes, everybody got their stuff this year. It took a major effort by the North Pole members of Local 100, International Brotherhood of Elves, Gnomes and Fairies. Get them a major shout out!
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Hanukkah Harry made the run this year. He is also a pretty big guy so, to avoid confusing the children, he dressed in the traditional red velour flight suit and big black boots.</div><div></div><div>
The late Rudolph's son, Elwood the Red Nosed Reindeer, stepped up to the plate and did a magnificent job. He found every little kid all over the world and there were no toy mix-ups. (Quite an accomplishment with two tots of slivovitz on board.)</div><div></div><div>
Santa's Alabama cousin, Beauregard P. "Bodacious Beau" Kringle, has agreed to permanently take over duties starting next Christmas. He has begun training but should learn quickly since he has spent ten years doing residential deliveries for UPS. Beau says the new job should work well since he will be able to drive slower than he had to for UPS. (He got the name from his pro wrestling days.)</div><div></div><div>
Elves of Local 100 actually own the North Pole reindeer herd. They got title soon after they unionized in 1952 in settlement of a wage and hour complaint.</div><div></div><div>
Their shop steward, Gnardo the Elf, said the Local has sued Bubba Earl to block the sale of Rudolph's head on EBay and have all remains returned to the rightful owners. A brief but dignified service is planned with cremation of the remaining parts followed by scattering Rudolph's ashes over the toy factory he loved so much. This will be a private ceremony: immediate family, reindeer and elves only.</div><div></div><div>
Bubba Earl got what was coming to him. After he heard about the lawsuit, he was caught trying take his quarters back out of Little Clem's collection jar. He is currently sitting in county jail. His crime was so heinous he can't find anyone to go his bail.</div><div></div><div>
So thus ends the story of Christmas 2011, victory snatched from the jaws of tragedy. Many thanks to Harry and Elwood and a hearty ho, ho, ho to cousin Beau Kringle. Beau will continue to use the professional name Santa Claus since the original Santa incorporated years back and the name is property of the corporation.</div><div></div><div>
And, yes, Santa Harry remembered me also. Got a nice shirt and a fifth of Single Barrel Jack.</div><div></div><div>
Finally, do not leave glasses of milk for the new Santa. He prefers Miller Light.
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Tom</div><div></div><div></div><div></div>