I'm sorry but I only eat Canadians that are spit roasted to well done.
BTW, I don't think there's anyone on any site that tries to cause "distention". Here's the definition of that word:
Distention: The state of being distended, enlarged, swollen from internal pressure. For example, on inhalation there is distention of the lungs due to the increased air pressure within the lungs. The word "distention" comes from a Latin root "tendere," to extend.