For flat spins, you cross the ailerons over, not the rudder. This then flattens out the spin. Do it gently, you need to find the sweet spot.

No books that I know of, this is too new and fluid an area. Some good websites though, do a search on this forum, loads of people are allways asking.

Real Flight is not good for 3D, it doesnt like planes stalled. You can use it to learn torque rolling, and for improving general skill though.