XTR handles more like reality, AFPD handles more like a better training tool. If you are a beginner YOu will LIKE AFPD PRO better its more forgiving. IF you are Advanced, you will like XTR better

I just spent 3 hours with a guy who flies AFP/AFPD religiously and hes said XTR flies more realistically, and that it would be a better simulator after AFPD
BUT he said for beginiers who want to LEARN 3d, AFPD is better because of the stall points on it are not as realistic and will allow you some levarage.

Overall I see what your saying, but I don't think you are an experienced pilot. Many of the points you hit on were "features" like balloon popping and stuff you don't really talk about physics. You will need to do some tweaking with the planes in BOTH afpd and reflex, but planes handle more realistically in reflex, their is no chaning this its a FACT. If you think this is not so, you don't fly 3d, you obvicously have not played with xtr long enough. In fact people think patern fun flying is better on AFPD then on reflex. But Reflex is always more realistic.

Here is the real deal:
Their are 2 questions you must ask yourself, 1 is best way to train, and 2 What type of training

Now, some people you want a sim to be realistic, but is REALISITC really the best way to train? Think of it as the buddy box system at flying fields, sure its not realistic when you don't have control of the plane the whole time, but the buddy box system does help you become a better pilot. AFPD physics are more realaxed, they are more forgiving and let you learn easier.
ON the other hand, we have the seasoned pilot, AFPD really won't simulate the reality the way xtr does, if you want to move from intermediate to advance, move to XTR. XTR while being very realistic may not be the best way to train because all of the little extra stuff you have to worry about.

However, if you are willing to put the time and wan't the closest you can get to reality, XTR is the way to go.
If you don't care about reality as much but are more intreseted in how a plane behalves in 3d flight, get AFPD.

AFPD is easier to train on. Not the best in physics. XTR is the opposite.