After every Qantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet
>>which
>>conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft
>>during the
>>flight that need repair or correction. The form used is a piece of
>>paper on
>>which the pilot completes the top part listing the problem, which
>>the
>>mechanics read and then respond in writing on the lower half of the
>>form
>>what remedial action was taken, so the pilot on the plane's next
>>flight can
>>review the form before taking off.
>>
>>Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense
>>of
>>humour.
>>Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and responses
>>with P =
>>the problem logged by the pilot, S = the solution and action taken
>>by
>>engineers. Qantas, by the way, is the only major airline that has
>>never had
>>an accident.
>>
>>P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
>>S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
>>
>>P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>>S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>>
>>P: Something loose in cockpit.
>>S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>>
>>P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>>S: Live bugs on back-order.
>>
>>P: Autopilot in altitude -hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>>descent.
>>S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>>
>>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>>S: Evidence removed.
>>
>>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>>S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>>
>>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>>S: That's what they're there for.
>>
>>P: IFF inoperative.
>>S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>>
>>P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>>S: Suspect you're right.
>>
>>P: Number 3 engine missing.
>>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>>
>>P: Aircraft handles funny.
>>S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
>>
>>P: Target radar hums.
>>S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>>
>>P: Mouse in cockpit.
>>S: Cat installed.
>>