Two lobsters were sunbathing on the beach. The lady lobster
suggested that the gentleman lobster to get them an ice cream
each. Having purchased two ice cream cones Mr. Lobster made
his way back to the beach, deciding on the way to eat his ice
cream.

By the time he has finished the ice cream he realized that his
lady friend's ice cream had started to melt all down his claw,
so he licked it up and ended up eating it.

When he arrived back at the beach his lady lobster friend
exclaimed, "Where are the ice creams?"

"Well" he said. "I decided to eat mine. Then yours melted, so
I ate that too."

His lady friend was incensed and cried, "You shellfish *******!"

***
and if that wasnt bad enough...
***

Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation and was about
to close, the patient awakes, sits up and demands to know what
is going on.

"I'm about to close," the surgeon says.

The patient grabs the surgeon's hand and says, "I'm not going
to let you do that! I'll close my own incision!"

The surgeon hands him the thread and says, "Suture self".