Tor,

I used to have this standard reply ready for these good old e-mails (now sadly intercepted by modern software...) :

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My name is King Kong, son of the elder Tarzan and Jane, nephew of Zorro and successor of Bambi.
My jungle was invaded by extra-terrestrials and I had to hide my coconut crop under banana leaves.
I am addressing to you because I understand you are a complete idiot who thinks you make a chance to make me a victim with your absolutely ridiculous story. My coconuts must be transported to a safe place, so who could I better address to, than to you ? Please let me know how you can remit me enough money to rent a vessel for a few months. You can have a few of my coconuts in return. Please keep this information confidential because my coconuts are very much in demand by ET's and sometimes they read my e-mails too from their flying saucers orbiting in our solar system at the moment.
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(Sorry, it's off topic, but simply couldn't resist...) LOL