smile
05-16-2004 | 07:27 AM
#1
smile
I got this from the site JetPilot.dk
Have fun....
A Flying Students' Diary
Week 1
Monday: Rain
Tuesday: Rain
Wednesday: No rain; no visibility either
Thursday: Take instructor to lunch. Discover I don't know enough to take instructor to lunch.
Friday: Fly! Do first stall and second stall during same manoeuvre. Cover instructor with lunch.
Week 2
Monday: Learned not to scrape frost off Plexiglas with ice-scraper. Used big scratch as marker to set pitch.
Tuesday: Instructor wants me to stop calling throttle "THAT BIG KNOB THING." Also hates when I call instruments "GADGETS"
Wednesday: Radios won't pick up radio stations, so I turned them off. Instructor seems to think I missed something.
Thursday: Learned 10 degree bank is not a steep turn. Did stall again today. Lost 2000 feet. Instructor said that was some kind of record -- my first compliment.
Friday: Did steep turn. Instructor said I was not ready for inverted flight yet.
Week 3
Monday: Instructor called in sick. New instructor told me to stop calling her "BABE". Did steep turns. She said I had to have permission for inverted flight.
Tuesday: Instructor back. He told me to stop calling him "BABE", too. He got mad when I pulled power back on takeoff because the engine was to loud.
Wednesday: Instructor said after the first 20 hours, most students have established a learning curve. He said there is a slight bend in mine. Aha--progress!
Thursday: Did stalls. Clean recovery. Instructor said I did good job. Also did turns around a point. Instructor warned me never to pick ex-fiancee’s house as point again.
Friday: Did pattern work. Instructor said that if downwind, base and final formed a triangle, I would be perfect. More praise!
Week 4
Monday: First landing at a controlled field. Did fine until I told the captain in the 747 ahead of us on the taxiway to move his bird. Instructor says we'll have ground school all this week on radio procedures.
Tuesday: Asked instructor if everyone in his family had turned grey at such an early age. He smiled. We did takeoff stalls. He says I did just fine but to wait until we reached altitude next time. Three Niner Juliet will be out of the shop in three days when the new strut and tire arrive. Instructor says his back bothers him only a little.
Wednesday: Flew through clouds. I thought those radio towers were a lot lower. I'm sure my instructor is going grey.
Thursday: Left flaps down for entire flight. Instructor asked way. I told him I wanted the extra lift as a safety margin. More ground school.
Friday: Asked instructor when I could solo. I have never seen anyone actually laugh until they cried before.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Air Force One
The story goes that Air Force One was over the UK a few years ago and called up a USAF base...
"AF-1, Requesting Radar".
"What is you position?" asked ATC
"You got radar you find us" Air Force One replied.
After a few minutes ATC announced "Air Force One we're changing frequency"
"What frequency are you changing to?" asked Air Force One
"You've got 720 channels - you find us!" ATC replied.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Good ol' boy"
This was heard on an IFR flight in Germany. It seems a "good ol' boy" American (Texas-sounding) AF C-130 reserve pilot was in the (that day very crowded) instrument pattern for landing at Rhein-Main. The conversation went something like this:
Cont: "AF1733, You are on an eight mile final for 27R. You have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed to 130 knots."
Pilot: "Roger, Frankfurt. We're bringing this big bird back to one-hundred and thirty knots fur ya."
Cont (a few moments later): "AF33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots now 1 1/2 miles ahead of you; reduce speed further to 110 knots."
Pilot: "AF thirty-three reining this here bird back further to 110 knots"
Cont: "AF33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now 1 mile ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots"
Pilot (a little miffed): "Sir, do you know what the stall speed of this here C-130 is?"
Cont: "No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The 32 Greatest Lies in Aviation
1. I'm from the FAA and I'm here to help you.
2. Me? I've never busted minimas.
3. We will be on time, maybe even early.
4. Pardon me, ma'am, I seem to have lost my jet keys.
5. I have no interest in flying for the airlines.
6. I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons.
7. All that turbulence spoiled my landing.
8. I'm a member of the mile high club.
9. I only need glasses for reading.
10. I broke out right at minima.
11. The weather is gonna be alright; it's clearing to VFR.
12. Don't worry about the weight and balance -- it'll fly.
13. If we get a little lower I think we'll see the lights.
14. I'm 22, got 6000 hours, and a four year degree.
15. We shipped the part yesterday..
16. All you have to do is follow the book.
17. This plane outperforms the book by 20 percent.
18. We in aviation are overpaid, underworked and well respected.
19. Oh sure, no problem, I've got over 2000 hours in that aircraft.
20. I have 5000 hours total time, 3200 are actual instrument.
21. No need to look that up, I've got it all memorized.
22. Sure I can fly it -- it has wings, doesn't it?
23. We'll be home by lunchtime.
24. Your plane will be ready by 2 o'clock.
25. I'm always glad to see the FAA.
26. We fly every day -- we don't need recurrent training.
27. It just came out of annual -- how could anything be wrong?
28. I thought YOU took care of that.
29. I've got the field in sight.
30. I've got the traffic in sight.
31. Of course I know where we are.
32. I'm SURE the gear was down.
Have fun....
A Flying Students' Diary
Week 1
Monday: Rain
Tuesday: Rain
Wednesday: No rain; no visibility either
Thursday: Take instructor to lunch. Discover I don't know enough to take instructor to lunch.
Friday: Fly! Do first stall and second stall during same manoeuvre. Cover instructor with lunch.
Week 2
Monday: Learned not to scrape frost off Plexiglas with ice-scraper. Used big scratch as marker to set pitch.
Tuesday: Instructor wants me to stop calling throttle "THAT BIG KNOB THING." Also hates when I call instruments "GADGETS"
Wednesday: Radios won't pick up radio stations, so I turned them off. Instructor seems to think I missed something.
Thursday: Learned 10 degree bank is not a steep turn. Did stall again today. Lost 2000 feet. Instructor said that was some kind of record -- my first compliment.
Friday: Did steep turn. Instructor said I was not ready for inverted flight yet.
Week 3
Monday: Instructor called in sick. New instructor told me to stop calling her "BABE". Did steep turns. She said I had to have permission for inverted flight.
Tuesday: Instructor back. He told me to stop calling him "BABE", too. He got mad when I pulled power back on takeoff because the engine was to loud.
Wednesday: Instructor said after the first 20 hours, most students have established a learning curve. He said there is a slight bend in mine. Aha--progress!
Thursday: Did stalls. Clean recovery. Instructor said I did good job. Also did turns around a point. Instructor warned me never to pick ex-fiancee’s house as point again.
Friday: Did pattern work. Instructor said that if downwind, base and final formed a triangle, I would be perfect. More praise!
Week 4
Monday: First landing at a controlled field. Did fine until I told the captain in the 747 ahead of us on the taxiway to move his bird. Instructor says we'll have ground school all this week on radio procedures.
Tuesday: Asked instructor if everyone in his family had turned grey at such an early age. He smiled. We did takeoff stalls. He says I did just fine but to wait until we reached altitude next time. Three Niner Juliet will be out of the shop in three days when the new strut and tire arrive. Instructor says his back bothers him only a little.
Wednesday: Flew through clouds. I thought those radio towers were a lot lower. I'm sure my instructor is going grey.
Thursday: Left flaps down for entire flight. Instructor asked way. I told him I wanted the extra lift as a safety margin. More ground school.
Friday: Asked instructor when I could solo. I have never seen anyone actually laugh until they cried before.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Air Force One
The story goes that Air Force One was over the UK a few years ago and called up a USAF base...
"AF-1, Requesting Radar".
"What is you position?" asked ATC
"You got radar you find us" Air Force One replied.
After a few minutes ATC announced "Air Force One we're changing frequency"
"What frequency are you changing to?" asked Air Force One
"You've got 720 channels - you find us!" ATC replied.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Good ol' boy"
This was heard on an IFR flight in Germany. It seems a "good ol' boy" American (Texas-sounding) AF C-130 reserve pilot was in the (that day very crowded) instrument pattern for landing at Rhein-Main. The conversation went something like this:
Cont: "AF1733, You are on an eight mile final for 27R. You have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed to 130 knots."
Pilot: "Roger, Frankfurt. We're bringing this big bird back to one-hundred and thirty knots fur ya."
Cont (a few moments later): "AF33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots now 1 1/2 miles ahead of you; reduce speed further to 110 knots."
Pilot: "AF thirty-three reining this here bird back further to 110 knots"
Cont: "AF33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now 1 mile ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots"
Pilot (a little miffed): "Sir, do you know what the stall speed of this here C-130 is?"
Cont: "No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The 32 Greatest Lies in Aviation
1. I'm from the FAA and I'm here to help you.
2. Me? I've never busted minimas.
3. We will be on time, maybe even early.
4. Pardon me, ma'am, I seem to have lost my jet keys.
5. I have no interest in flying for the airlines.
6. I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons.
7. All that turbulence spoiled my landing.
8. I'm a member of the mile high club.
9. I only need glasses for reading.
10. I broke out right at minima.
11. The weather is gonna be alright; it's clearing to VFR.
12. Don't worry about the weight and balance -- it'll fly.
13. If we get a little lower I think we'll see the lights.
14. I'm 22, got 6000 hours, and a four year degree.
15. We shipped the part yesterday..
16. All you have to do is follow the book.
17. This plane outperforms the book by 20 percent.
18. We in aviation are overpaid, underworked and well respected.
19. Oh sure, no problem, I've got over 2000 hours in that aircraft.
20. I have 5000 hours total time, 3200 are actual instrument.
21. No need to look that up, I've got it all memorized.
22. Sure I can fly it -- it has wings, doesn't it?
23. We'll be home by lunchtime.
24. Your plane will be ready by 2 o'clock.
25. I'm always glad to see the FAA.
26. We fly every day -- we don't need recurrent training.
27. It just came out of annual -- how could anything be wrong?
28. I thought YOU took care of that.
29. I've got the field in sight.
30. I've got the traffic in sight.
31. Of course I know where we are.
32. I'm SURE the gear was down.
05-16-2004 | 09:01 AM
#3
Senior Member
Joined: May 2002
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From: Abu Dhabi, UNITED ARAB EMIRATES
RE: smile
Here's another that might raise a smile..........
Cheers
Ken
In his book SLED DRIVER, "SR-71/Blackbird" pilot Brian Shul writes:
I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that > occurred one
day as Walt and I were screaming across southern California 13 miles
high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other
aircraft as we enter Los Angeles Center's airspace. Though they didn't
really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope.
I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed -
"90 > knots", Center replied.
Moments later a Twin Beech required the same.
"120 knots", Center answered.
We weren't the only one proud of our speed that day as almost instantly
an F-18 smugly transmitted -
"Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests groundspeed readout."
There was a slight pause.
"525 knots on the ground, Dusty."
As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I
heard the familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my
back-seater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had
become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison -
"Center, Aspen 20, you got a groundspeed readoutfor us?"
There was a longer than normal pause.
"Aspen, I show one thousand seven hundred forty-two knots."
No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.
Cheers
Ken
In his book SLED DRIVER, "SR-71/Blackbird" pilot Brian Shul writes:
I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that > occurred one
day as Walt and I were screaming across southern California 13 miles
high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other
aircraft as we enter Los Angeles Center's airspace. Though they didn't
really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope.
I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed -
"90 > knots", Center replied.
Moments later a Twin Beech required the same.
"120 knots", Center answered.
We weren't the only one proud of our speed that day as almost instantly
an F-18 smugly transmitted -
"Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests groundspeed readout."
There was a slight pause.
"525 knots on the ground, Dusty."
As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I
heard the familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my
back-seater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had
become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison -
"Center, Aspen 20, you got a groundspeed readoutfor us?"
There was a longer than normal pause.
"Aspen, I show one thousand seven hundred forty-two knots."
No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.
