Mike,
I have tried all of the steps you have listed. I have tried a FMS usb controller and the Realflight G4 controller. Both of these show up as ok on the game controller menu. When I try to calibrate, neither one is detected when I hit refresh as per your instructions. It works fine with my Futaba 7C and 9C on the interface. It won't recognize another controller. Aerofly's website, under frequently asked questions, says that the Realflight controller will work. I have tried this both with the tx plugged into the interface and not plugged into the interface. The interface is always plugged in to the usb port.
Sam