Quantas Problem Solving

After every flight, Qantas' pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, & then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots & the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P= The problem logged by the pilot.) (S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitudehold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

I doubt these were ever really logged - the regulatory bodies frown on this kind of thing.
These same grips and responses have been circulating for YEARS!.

Still - good for a laugh.

oldy[8D]

The old ones stand the test of time.

My first to see this. Hilarious. Sounds like the difference between health care workers (service) on the floor and facilities Management (support) when describing physical facilities problems. Ha.

This same list of squawks has been attributed to the Air Force, and Navy...now Quantas.

Yep, old one, but with a new way to spell Qantas

First saw this when I was in the USAF in the 1960s.

Bogus...but funny.

Also, in the many times I have seen this reincarnated, there is usually something new added.

Sorry about the misspelling, mate.
I had forgotton that the name "Qantas" is an acronym for "Queensland and Northern Territory Air Services".

.

But not on a Qantas jet.

Heh.. I was wondering why Qantas would have Targeting Radar?

IFF (Identification Friend or Foe) is a military acronym. Qantas pilots would not use that designation for a transponder issue.

Yeah, I am sure it's against the anti competion laws to shoot down other airlines

Not in Australia.

Shoot away!

if it doesn't have a Roo on the tail... blaze away, it the competion!!!