P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution logged by the mechanic.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in "altitude-hold" mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: Transponder inoperative.
S: Transponder always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: The T/C ball seemed stuck in the middle during my last turn.
S: Congratulations! You've just made your first coordinated turn.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

Actual conversation overheard from pilot to crew chief
P "I tried it in auto and it worked fine"
CC "Yeah
P "I tried it in manual and no problem there either"
CC "OK"
P "But when I put it in official mode, everything went blank"
CC (after climbing up to the cockpit while laughing as quietly as possible and looking at the switch) "I'll make a note of that sir. Auto and Man work fine, but nothing worked in OFF mode!"
TRUE STORY!

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered
that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the
problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 Billion to develop a pen that
writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface
including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.
The Russians used a pencil.

yep, the $.05 pencil works

HA HA, keep em coming

P: Noise coming from #1 Engine compartment. Sounds like little man banging on engine compartment door with hammer.

S: Opened #1 Engine Compartment Door. Little Man fell out. Removed Hammer. Replaced Little Man. Closed Engine Compartment Door.

Keep them coming!
I like this thread

Airspeed, altitude or brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.

Gene

P: Engine won't start
S: Fuel Added

You know that your landing gear is up when it takes full
power to taxi back to the pits.